hello again!

I'm feeling bad that I haven't kept this blog updated since we left the hospital 5 months ago... Can I blame it on my busy kids?  Perhaps our busy summer visiting the Cities, Davenport, and Williston?

Everyday brings changes in Gunnar.  He's gone from an eating, crapping, napping constant schedule to only having 3 naps a day and normally sleeping through the night !  (9:30ish - 6am)  Besides having a few ear infections and colds, it was a healthy summer for him.  He can also sit up and can do the army crawl, or pull himself towards his toys.  He's getting really close to crawling, but isn't quite there yet!  I'm in no rush- that's too much independence if you ask me!  He is always smiling, especially when other kids or women are around.  Compared to Ava- he's an easy baby!

My week nights have begun to revolve around Ava's schedule.  She is in her second year of gymnastics and Wednesday night chuch with her buddy Bailey.  Ava has also started dance class.  She's in the preschool group, of course, so they are learning ballet plus basic body movement.  When all the other kids (there are almost 30 in that group) are getting into a circle, or moving around the room they run... but NOT Ava!  She gracefully lifts her arms and twirls or does her best ballet move until she reaches her destination.  She is at least a head taller than everyone so she definitely sticks out.  I can't wait for their first performance...

Kris has turned into a hermit again as he prepares for his next test.  One more year and he will officially be done with his apprenticeship and be an operator at the Garrison Dam.  He starts shift work after this next test, and we're a little nervous to see how our daily routine will once again be changing.  Besides this, hunting, and fishing I'm prepared to be a single mom until Christmas time!

As for me... I recently joined the Beulah Gym to try to  get rid of this baby weight.  I feel like it just fell off with Ava, but I'm going to have to work a little harder this time around.  I'm hoping to find time to scrapbook soon, but some how laundry and house chores always take priority.  boo!  Oh well, at least I can still watch the Hawks while folding laundry!  The weather is quickly turning to crap, so I may find more free time to scrapbook and possibly keep this blog updated.  We'll see...

Mr. Mom

Alright, I've hit my breaking point.  So far I've been able to juggle our new North Dakota life, but this is week 7 of Gunnar not sleeping well through the night and I'm past the point of exhaustion.  It would be one thing if my only responsibility was Gunnar so I could sleep when he's sleeping, but I've also got Ava to think about, not to mention the 8 daycare kids who also need my attention. 

Kris was ever so brave to suggest that perhaps I'm a little more irritable than normal.... can you believe that?!  haha!  Yes, I've been cranky, some may even use the "B word" to describe me, but life's been a little stressful lately!  Before Gunnar, I was able to keep up with household chores, care for Ava, and successfully run my business with dinner on the table before Kris even walked through the door.  Now I'm lucky if I even have the dishes from lunch done by 6! 

The best part of our relationship is that Kris and I have always had good communication.  So yesterday I broke down almost in tears and told him I need more help from him around the house.  I was expecting  the "this was the agreement in order for you to stay home with the kids..."  but he just said,"fine, if you need help you just have to ask because I can't read your mind." 

I gave him the choice of either staying up all night with Gunnar, or cleaning the house today including laundry and the floors and of course he went with staying up with the baby.  Last night was a little harder than he thought... Gunnar performed his usually show at midnight, two and four and now Kris is sleeping like a rock. 

Hopefully this will give Kris a little better understanding of what I've been going through so when dinner isn't on the table or his jeans are still sitting next to the washer 3 days later he'll know that I'm not just slacker.  Besides, this is just a phase and a year from now we'll be able to look back and say, "Thank God he's sleeping through the night!" 

returning to normal

We were finally released today and made it home safe and sound to good old Beulah.  The time flew by quick and I can't believe my mom is already leaving tomorrow afternoon.  :(  I can't thank everyone enough for all the love and support.  I get all choked up just thinking about how kind people have been.  This experience is proof that God does not give us more than we can handle and he never leaves us in time of troubles.  I felt his love through the positive posts on facebook, gifts at the hospital, and even just smiles from the nurses to reassure me that my son would live.  I never thought in a million years that I'd be a candidate to stay at the Ronald McDonald House, but their hospitality was unreal... That place was filled with God's love!  Just as we were leaving and thanking them for all they did for us, they topped off our experience by giving us a beautiful handmade quilt for Gunnar.  (Just as a reminder of our stay... as if we could forget this!) 

I need to say a special thank you to Sara, who rushed to my house that morning and took the daycare kids and Ava without changing her own kids out of their PJs.  Words can't express how greatful we are that you took Ava in for 5 days and made her feel part of your family. 

Thank you to my mom and dad for dropping everything and flying mom out here to help with the dogs and Ava for the week.  This goes to show that no matter how old I get... I will always need my mom.  (and dad too...)

Thank you to Blaine and Shirley for also helping with the dogs/Ava and shuffling us and our belongings back and forth.  The brownies were good too- you know what chocolate does for my soul.  :)

Thank you to Sara (Sagers) and Aunt Deb for the medical advice...  It's always nice to have your opinion and knowledge!

It's good to be home and we're going to work on keeping Gunnar strong and healthy.  All the doctors told us that he may have some short term and possibly long term effects from the RSV.  Short term: next time he gets a cold it will be really rough on him and will probably be wheezing and really sick.  Long Term:  He  has a higher chance of developing asthma.  :(  So forgive me if I'm a little overbearing and won't let you near my child after I hear you cough, sneeze, or breath funny.  I'll learn to relax as the months go by...

 

Happy Easter!

One more day... thank the Lord!  Gunnar weighed in at 10 pounds last night... seriously?!  Who comes to the hospital and gains weight?  He was a naughty boy, again, last night.  As soon as we left (9:45ish) he demanded a snack, which totaled 7oz. of milk!  The nurse kept trying to get him to sleep in his crib, but he insisted on being held.   They finally compromised an hour later and he got to chill out in the swing where he slept from 12- 5am!   I hope he keeps that up when we get home- I'd love to have 5 hours in a row of sleep! 

Gunnar has now ripped out 5 IVs.  He screams bloody murder every time they poke him somewhere else, and I always leave because I can't stand it.  Kris actually got to help yesterday...  nothing he didn't do in Iraq...  Thank God I wasn't there! 

Kris convinced me yesterday to finally leave the hospital and do something nice for myself.  I broke down and got my hair done.  I hate spending $100+ on myself, but I feel alot better.  I haven't had a haircut since Christmas, so I was definitely due. 

Mom, Ava, Blaine, and Shirley are on their way down from Beulah.  We got a gift certificate to a fancy brunch from Ramkota Inn since we're staying at the Ronald McDonald House, which I hope to be eating shortly.  If all goes well, we might even have an Easter Egg Hunt with Kris' brother Andy and his kids in the park. 

Happy Easter to everyone- thanks for your continued prayers and well wishes!  Even though I couldn't respond to everyone, it made a huge difference to leave the hospital and find words of encouragement. 

Love,
Aimee, Kris, Ava and the Gunny Bunny

Ava's Day!

Gunnar is eating like a pig!  He's been taking 4-6 ounces every 2 1/2 hours!!!  I can't keep up with the monster.  Could it be the steroids, or is he just a stress eater like his momma?  He's gained a pound now- 9.6lbs. as of yesterday.  His only struggle now is the antibiotics is tearing his bottom up.  We tried putting the oxygen tube down his diaper to air it out, but he gave me the death glare and didn't appreciate that!  Hopefully he'll get tylenol or something to take the edge off. 

I'm letting Kris take over at the hospital today, however, so I can have a girls day with Ava and my mom.  The plan is to go to a movie since it's gloomy and cold out.  If the sun decides to show we maybe headed to the zoo as well.  I felt a little guilty leaving Gunnar, but this has been really hard on Ava too, and she deserves my undivided attention for at least one day.  She left the saddest message on my phone, telling me she can't wait for us to be a family again.  :(  It's got to be hard to be tossed around, not knowing where your parents are at and when they're coming back....  I tried to talk to her yesterday on the phone, but she said, "Mom, everything's fine, but I just sat down to color and I need to concentrate on my work, so I'll talk later."

Her big surprise today is an Easter basket the bunny left for her here.  I thought I'd be the cool parent because I got her new sparkly shoes and a Fancy Nancy book, but Kris out did me again and bought her a little pink gun  (a cricket for all you NRA enthusiasts).  He's got big plans to set up balloons as target practice for her but the thought of my princess holding a gun makes me cringe. 

Only three more days left!  I'm hoping they fly by so we can move forward with our lives and "be a familiy again."

half way there!

It's been a busy 2 days.  Forgive any spelling errors... I'm typing with one hand and pumping with the other.  My mom flew in yesterday morning despite the nasty snow and wind.  It was nice to have company and Gunnar stayed awake for almost an hour to visit with her. 

As of yesterday afternoon Gunnar is off of oxygen altogether!  Dr. Fernandez was quite impressed considering 5 days ago he was borderline life support on an adult dose of oxygen (5 L).  I was excited for him to look more normal, but he ripped out his IV yet again so they had to put it in his head.  He looks like such a doofus!  I told him to quit messin' but he didn't listen...  He was also put on another breathing treatment (steroids) to open up his airways more.  Other than his super bad diaper rash from the antibiotics he's feeling better, although he's still mean muggin' the nurses whenever they come near him. 

Shirley (my mother in law) came down this morning for a visit and I convinced Kris to take tomorrow off of work so he'll be here late tonight.  I' m completely exhauasted and hoping to take a nap between these feedings. 

things were going too smoothly...

I've decided that Kris and I have bad luck.  It's that simple!  Everytime we get comfortable in life and think, "Wow, things are running smoothly," there's a bump in the road and we're back at square one trying to balance life again.  I stopped planning my life about the time I met Kris.  I thought I'd always live somewhere warm and be a big career feminist, but my life couldn't be further from this.  Don't get me wrong, I love who I am and where life is, but God has given us a lot of surprises and I'm still learning how to trust him and find joy in the unexpected. 

Our son, Gunnar was born 3 weeks ago today.  He's an easy baby, besides the fact he wants to be held all the time.  Last week he had a snotty nose, but I didn't really think much of it since I had a cold along with the 8 other daycare kids.  Besides sleeping more and not eating as often, he didn't show any signs of being sick and I was excited that he was sleeping longer through the night.

 Friday morning I woke him up around 6 to feed him and noticed he breathing heavy and was really pale.  I woke Kris up and asked him to take him to the clinic in Hazen.  I was in shock and denial, thinking he'd get a quick breathing treatment or medicine and be on his way.  I was still in this stage when Kris called me to come get in the ambulance before it left for Bismarck.  His oxygen was at 70% and they had to stick an IV through his bone marrow for fluid because he was getting "too tired" to breath on his own. 

That ambulance ride was the longest hour of my life!  The roads were icy as it's still snowing in this miserable land, and although I could hear machines beeping, the siren wailing, and Gunnar's wimper in the back, things seemed silent and still.  It's weird, but I thought alot about my students with special needs from Blue Grass and how many times their parents had to go through traumatic days like this.  In my constant prayer, I even asked God to make me strong like Lori thinking if she could get through a rough day, so could I....

As soon as we got to St. A's we went to the NICU since he's still under 28 days old.  I wasn't prepared to be dumped off in the waiting room while at least a dozen people with scrubs and masks rushed around Gunnar.  I could see from a distance and bawled like a baby as I heared him scream and know there was nothing I could do to comfort him.  In a moment of panic, I whipped out my hand pump and got almost a gallon of milk ready for when he would eat again.  (okay, so maybe only 8 oz but that's still a lot)

The rest of that day is a blur to me.  Dr. Paetel gave us one shocking fact after another... we'd be there for at least ten days, he's too fragile to hold, he won't be able to eat for awhile... He tested positive for RSV and xrays showed he had a bad case of pneumonia.  Kris and I just kept shrugging our shoulders at one another, asking, "What about the dogs, where should we stay, what about work, how are we going to afford this?..." 

Kris stayed through the weekend.  At first Gunnar was restless and irritable because of pain and hunger.  Even touching him made it hard for him to breath, let alone eat but by Saturday afternoon he was able to eat through a feeding tube and Sunday morning Kris got to him a bottle.  God is working miracles every second!

The nurses made him a sign that says, "Feelin' Crabby" with a picture of a crab because he's been a pretty grumpy all weekend.  Who can blame the poor kid?!  The nurse also laughed because he seems to only sleep when the radio is on (KLOVE of course!) and he's being held or swaddled super tight.  He definitely likes to be around people, just like his daddy.   

Kris left last night which made me pretty lonely.  Gunnar has been sleeping all morning, which gives me a chance to catch up on laundry, more pumping and updating all of you.  Please keep him in your prayers.  If anyone knows of a good church in Bismarck, let me know because we'll definitely be here for Easter... 

For everyone back in Beulah (yes all 47 of you...)  give Kris and Ava big hugs for me and keep washing your hands! 

pictures to come later...