things were going too smoothly...

I've decided that Kris and I have bad luck.  It's that simple!  Everytime we get comfortable in life and think, "Wow, things are running smoothly," there's a bump in the road and we're back at square one trying to balance life again.  I stopped planning my life about the time I met Kris.  I thought I'd always live somewhere warm and be a big career feminist, but my life couldn't be further from this.  Don't get me wrong, I love who I am and where life is, but God has given us a lot of surprises and I'm still learning how to trust him and find joy in the unexpected. 

Our son, Gunnar was born 3 weeks ago today.  He's an easy baby, besides the fact he wants to be held all the time.  Last week he had a snotty nose, but I didn't really think much of it since I had a cold along with the 8 other daycare kids.  Besides sleeping more and not eating as often, he didn't show any signs of being sick and I was excited that he was sleeping longer through the night.

 Friday morning I woke him up around 6 to feed him and noticed he breathing heavy and was really pale.  I woke Kris up and asked him to take him to the clinic in Hazen.  I was in shock and denial, thinking he'd get a quick breathing treatment or medicine and be on his way.  I was still in this stage when Kris called me to come get in the ambulance before it left for Bismarck.  His oxygen was at 70% and they had to stick an IV through his bone marrow for fluid because he was getting "too tired" to breath on his own. 

That ambulance ride was the longest hour of my life!  The roads were icy as it's still snowing in this miserable land, and although I could hear machines beeping, the siren wailing, and Gunnar's wimper in the back, things seemed silent and still.  It's weird, but I thought alot about my students with special needs from Blue Grass and how many times their parents had to go through traumatic days like this.  In my constant prayer, I even asked God to make me strong like Lori thinking if she could get through a rough day, so could I....

As soon as we got to St. A's we went to the NICU since he's still under 28 days old.  I wasn't prepared to be dumped off in the waiting room while at least a dozen people with scrubs and masks rushed around Gunnar.  I could see from a distance and bawled like a baby as I heared him scream and know there was nothing I could do to comfort him.  In a moment of panic, I whipped out my hand pump and got almost a gallon of milk ready for when he would eat again.  (okay, so maybe only 8 oz but that's still a lot)

The rest of that day is a blur to me.  Dr. Paetel gave us one shocking fact after another... we'd be there for at least ten days, he's too fragile to hold, he won't be able to eat for awhile... He tested positive for RSV and xrays showed he had a bad case of pneumonia.  Kris and I just kept shrugging our shoulders at one another, asking, "What about the dogs, where should we stay, what about work, how are we going to afford this?..." 

Kris stayed through the weekend.  At first Gunnar was restless and irritable because of pain and hunger.  Even touching him made it hard for him to breath, let alone eat but by Saturday afternoon he was able to eat through a feeding tube and Sunday morning Kris got to him a bottle.  God is working miracles every second!

The nurses made him a sign that says, "Feelin' Crabby" with a picture of a crab because he's been a pretty grumpy all weekend.  Who can blame the poor kid?!  The nurse also laughed because he seems to only sleep when the radio is on (KLOVE of course!) and he's being held or swaddled super tight.  He definitely likes to be around people, just like his daddy.   

Kris left last night which made me pretty lonely.  Gunnar has been sleeping all morning, which gives me a chance to catch up on laundry, more pumping and updating all of you.  Please keep him in your prayers.  If anyone knows of a good church in Bismarck, let me know because we'll definitely be here for Easter... 

For everyone back in Beulah (yes all 47 of you...)  give Kris and Ava big hugs for me and keep washing your hands! 

pictures to come later...